The law of activity

We need to take the initiative to solve our problems rather than being passive.

In a dysfunctional relationship, sometimes one person is active and the other is passive. When this occurs, the active person will dominate the passive one. The passive person may be too intimidated by the active one to say no.

This law has to do with taking initiative rather than being passive and waiting for someone else to make the first move.

When it comes to dealing with problems, many people have a natural tendency to wait until the problem solves itself.

In some cases this actually works, either because the problem wasn’t really a problem in the first place and not worth being dealt with, or because others became active and solved the problem for them. However, all other things being equal, active people are much more successful in addressing and solving problems than passive ones. Because they take initiative, they have a greater chance to learn from mistakes. They confront problems, try solutions, obviously make mistakes, and – if they are wise – grow from them. They even have a better understanding of forgiveness, because they need it more often.

In contrast to that, passive people are afraid of taking risks and making mistakes. They want to be sure that they do things perfectly well before they start. As a result, they hardly learn and lack practice in many things. For the same reasons, they also have a harder time taking responsibility for their lives and establishing good boundaries. Passivity is unhelpful, it’s better to participate in life, not wait on the sidelines: it helps to have trust in ourselves.

Those who do not try are bound to fail. If you try and fail, you will be asked to learn from your mistakes and do better next time. But what can you tell someone who didn’t even try in the first place? What has s/he learned from doing nothing? The sad thing is that passive people are not inherently bad or evil. They often are just afraid of making mistakes and losing the love of others. Or they don’t see their lives as their problem. Or they are simply a bit lazy. Whatever the reason, their passivity will always result in the same: the problems are going to get worse. Passivity is actually the best ally of unhappiness, it thrives on passivity; if we want happiness we have to work for it. Problems do not go away by themselves – you have to take action against them.

Even in a “good” relationship, passivity will hinder growth and development. If, as often happens, one person is active and the other one passive, several problems may occur.

1. The active one may dominate the passive one or feel abandoned by him or her.

2. The passive one may become too dependent on the active one, resent his/her power, and may be too intimidated to say no.

When, however, both people in a relationship are active; when they both speak the truth openly, set goals, and take initiative to solve problems, they both will grow. They will have security that problems will be addressed, even if for some reason they will not be able to do this. If we always assume that the first move towards solving a problem is ours and don’t wait for the other to do that, the relationship has a chance to improve.

People may ask, how the Law of Activity differs from the Law of Proactivity. The former says that we are to take action instead of remaining passive, while the latter tells us to base our actions on positive values and not only on the things we hate.