New 2024 Family and Friends group
Are you a parent, partner, sibling or friend of someone with BPD? You are not alone!
We are excited to announce that our popular Family and Friends Support Group is starting back up again on 17 September 2024! The group meets online on the third Tuesday of each month and provides an opportunity to share stories, learn coping skills, and build a supportive and understanding community.
The group will be facilitated by Rachel Dao, a registered clinical psychologist with a particular interest in helping people with BPD in many areas of functioning, such as relationship and family issues. Rachel also has lived experience of BPD.
Numbers are limited, so please register your interest today.
About the Family and friends group
“If I had accessed this group earlier, I would have saved myself and my family an enormous amount of suffering.”
Feb 2022 (P. husband of wife with BPD)
Below are reflections on our Family & Friends Group monthly meetings, supported by some materials used in the training component of the meeting. We hope you find these of use.
The Family & Friends Group has been operating continuously since 2015. It exists to support family members, to encourage learning about BPD and all it encompasses, to help to develop techniques that work to improve relationships, especially with our loved ones with BPD. In our Family & Friends Group, people learn how to support their loved ones, not enable them.
If you'd like to join the group, please contact eo@bpdcommunity.com.au or call our Executive Officer, Roy on 0480 339 366.
We meet online at 6:30pm on the third Tuesday of the month.
"I feel supported with a group of people to talk about what is normal in life. It's a good sanity check." (Family and Friends group member)
6.30pm, tuesday 21 february 2023 - 10 laws of boundaries
We are protected inside our boundaries. For this session, the importance to us all of maintaining our boundaries is explored. Our loved ones need us to be supportive and we can be when we understand about our boundaries and the boundaries of others.
The 10 Laws of Boundaries give us a way to explore what it means to have sound boundaries and what the implications of not having sound boundaries might mean.
Click on the link in the picture to download a copy of the 10 Laws of Boundaries.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tuesday of the month, on Zoom. Click here to book. BOOKINGS
"This group has been a liferaft for me. It is a generous, caring, professional space. It enables me to not feel alone and to build vital skills."
Jan 2023 (C. mother of a young adult)
6.30pm, Tuesday 17 January 2023 - protecting what is valuable
When our values are challenged, we can easily feel threatened, we can feel triggered. A common response to is react strongly and we don't necessarily understand what is underlying our reactions. Setting boundaries is essential to protecting our values and it almost seems that there is an art to doing this.
It is not an 'art' though, it requires that we understand our values and understand how boundaries work. There are skills and techniques we can learn and begin to implement immediately. Our session to start off the year is focussed on this.
Click on the link in the picture opposite to see what an Executive coach has to say about boundaries.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tuesday of the month, on Zoom. Click here to book. BOOKINGS
"My relationship with my partner has greatly improved since joining this group. I really appreciate the community I am part of and for the support we all give each other." Oct 2022 (R. whose partner has BPD).
6.30pm, Tuesday 20 December 2022 - understanding BPD
The road to recovery isn't smooth so it is important to be informed. As we lead into Xmas it can be a time fraught with challenges. This is the time for families to get together and enjoy each other's company but it so often ends in disaster.
To prepare ourselves it helps to revisit what BPD is for us. So often the behaviours of our loved ones cloud our understanding and we become judgemental but when we understand what is going on, we can stop the blaming. The December session is dedicated to learning how to better support our loved ones by understanding BPD.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tuesday of the month, on Zoom. Click here to book. BOOKINGS
6.30pm, Tuesday 15 november 2022 - non violent communication
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is something we know, but often forget. In this session we build on our earlier learnings on validation and gain clarity about what emotional needs are. For many of us, we can experience confused thinking about how we can best communicate with our loved ones. Nonviolent communication is another challenging step in learning about this.
Take your next step towards being a more supportive loved one and join the rest of us in our safe learning place. Join us to learn the basics of nonviolent communication. Click on the picture opposite to see a short explanation from the master of NVC, Marshall Rosenberg.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tuesday of the month, on Zoom. Click here to book. BOOKINGS
6.30pm, 18 October 2022 - validation and emotional needs
One of the hardest things I had to consider was that if I wasn't being validating, then I was possibly being invalidating. Learning how to validate was not easy because it meant coming to grips with emotions, and I had been taught to overcome and suppress emotions, not to recognise them. When we validate we show we care.
At the next Family & Friends Group we will learn what it means to recognise emotional needs to be able to learn how to validate ourselves and others. If you click on the picture opposite it will take you to a website with an extensive discussion on 'What is Emotional Validation'.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tuesday of the month, on Zoom. Click here to book. BOOKINGS
"Attending this group is arming me with ongoing valuable resources and tools which are positively helping me with my own reactions and approach to situations in such an effective way with my BPD person." August 2022 (J. mother of adult with BPD)
6.30pm, 20 September 2022 - Validation 101
Ever felt at a loss when talking with your loved one with BPD? The skills to validate someone do not come easily in to us all. Validation is more than saying something nice, it is central to being able to listen and hear what a person is communicating. Before you can validate you need to hear what is the emotion behind the words.
At our next group we visit what validation really is and how to begin to do it. In the meantime there is a handy handout on the skill of validation based on the work of Valerie Porr, "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder". It could be helpful. Click here to download.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tuesday of the month, on Zoom.
Click here to book: BOOKINGS
6.30pm, 16 August 2022 - self-compassion, self acceptance
If we understand ourselves and the way we think, how we feel and how we behave, then we can begin to practice self acceptance and self compassion. The core element of self acceptance is being non-judgemental; the core elements of self compassion are gratitude for what we have and giving loving kindness to ourselves.
Check out your self compassion score here with this simple test: can doing this test help you understand yourself better? Learn more about self acceptance and self compassion in our next session:
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tues of the month, on Zoom.
Click here to book: BOOKINGS
"My first time being fully heard and accepted whilst gaining knowledge. Much gratitude." July 2022 (S. Mother of adult daughter with BPD)
6.30pm, 19 July 2022 - radical acceptance
Pain as we all know, is unavoidable, so Radical Acceptance is a skill that's designed to not eliminate that pain, but to keep that pain from turning into suffering. Radical acceptance involves being non judgemental.
We can change our unhelpful thinking into acceptance with no ifs or buts, no mental turmoil. Learn more about this in our next session.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tues of the month, on Zoom.
Click here to book: BOOKINGS
F
"A supportive group that made me feel welcome. After one session, I'm already walking away with a better understanding of dealing with challenging situations." July 2022 (A. friend of young woman with BPD)
6.30pm, 21 June 2022 - Mindfulness
Dicotomous thinking is when you think in black and white, it is all or nothing thinking, and this is so common in the world of BPD. It is one of a few unhelpful thinking styles we will consider this coming F&F Group. And we will learn the benefit of benign interpretation as a way to build a more positive relationship with others. We focus on how mindfulness supports us to make the changes in our thinking that we want to make. Click on the picture opposite to download and pdf explaining unhelpful thinking. Join us to learn more.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tues of the month, on Zoom.
Book your free ticket here: BOOKINGS
"I am grateful I found this group. Thank you." May 2022 (M. mother of daughter with BPD)
6.30pm, 17 May, 2022 - on being grateful
To develop a grateful attitude to life requires conscious practice. Those of us who have developed a negative predisposition often as a protective mechanism, to avoid disappointment, might find the thought of developing an attitude of gratitude a bit twee or over the top. But really, it is not. Developing a grateful approach often means changing our default thinking patterns. This requires repeated practice and changing our mind is not that easy. Join us as we learn more about how our mind works and gratitude helps.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tues of the month, on Zoom.
Book your free ticket here: BOOKINGS
"You are teaching me to actively empower my BPD person and enable better mental health for them."
(J. mother of a daughter with BPD, April 2022)
6.30pm, april 19, 2022 - emotions and mindfulness
Mindfulness involves non judgmental attention to present-moment experience. Research indicates that practising mindfulness can support neural pathways that can address emotional dysregulation by 1) reducing automatic negative self-evaluation, 2) increasing tolerance for negative affect and pain, and 3) helps to engender self-compassion and empathy. Learn more at our next F&F Group!
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tues of the month, on Zoom.
Book your free ticket here: BOOKINGS
6.30pm, march 15, 2022 - Boundaries and emotions - on zoom!
Just as there are basic physical needs for our survival, there are some essential emotional needs. In this months session we learn about the relationship between boundaries and meeting our emotional needs. The video link opposite talks about 8 fundamental emotional needs that we all have, the very basic, primary emotional needs. In this session we will explore how these translate into everyday life and what we can do to meet our own emotional needs.
Our Family & Friends Group meets at 6.30pm, every third Tues of the month, on Zoom.
Book your free ticket here: BOOKINGS
"I have learnt so much about my own behaviours through tonight's training on the 10 Laws of Boundaries. This has been so useful. Thankyou"
(J. mother of a son with BPD, Feb 2022)
february 15, 2022 - The ten laws of boundaries
Laws exist to spell out the behaviours we expect everyone to live by and they usually have consequences when they are broken. We expect laws to be fair. The 10 Laws of Boundaries are universal in that they spell out to us what happens if we follow these laws, or not. They explain what happens when our boundaries are clear or not. With the 10 Laws of boundaries, we learn how to improve our relationships with others when our boundaries are fair, reasonable and consistent.
To access and download the 10 Laws of Boundaries, click on the image opposite.
This month you can book your place at our next F&F Group through the link here: Bookings
"Joining this group has felt like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It is a wonderful support network of those who understand exactly what I am going through." (M, mother, Jan 2022)
january 17, 2022 - boundaries
It can be the last thing we want to think about, but boundaries can define our relationships with others. It is so important to work at getting it right. Here are some thoughts:
1. Boundaries facilitate relationships. They exist to let people in, not keep them out.
2. Boundaries are about your behaviour. We cannot control the behaviour of others, only our own.
3. Boundaries are protective not punitive. Boundaries are not for punishment.
4. Boundaries are about both protection and containment. Boundaries help us feel safe and they define how we behave with others.
Nothing is sustainable without boundaries.