Family and friends group 2021

RETURN TO FAMILY & FRIENDS GROUP

Below is a record of the monthly meetings of the group with supplementary materials used in the training component of the meeting. We hope you find these of use.

The Family & Friends Group has been operating continuously since 2015. Over that time it has developed a Manual to guide its operations, developing its own model to complement existing supports and training programs. The technical term, 'carers' is used to describe family members and friends. It often sits uncomfortably with us though. To be considered the carer of an adult person seems incongruous and this suits the awkward space that we occupy within the mental health system. Our model of support is peer led, informed by ongoing monitoring and evaluation. It exists to support family members, encourage learning about BPD and all it encompasses, focuses on developing the techniques that work to improve relationships, especially with our loved one with BPD. In our Family and Friends Group people learn how to support their loved ones, not enable them.

December 21, 2021 - what is BPD?

This month we are moving on from our validation series and taking it back to basics with our what is bpd? session. Reminding ourselves of the common challenges faced by those with BPD helps us to foster compassion and understanding. A timely reminder as we approach the holidays and may be spending more time with our loved ones. One of the other very important benefits of this session is that it reminds us of the shared experience within our community... You are not alone.

Sophie's experience of living with BPD as shown in the video is a great place to start in preparation for our Family and Friends group this month.

I joined the group to learn about & support my loved one with BPD & found I’m learning so much about myself!
Change starts from within & its having a positive impact with my loved one.
Don’t hesitate joining this group! The support & learning is invaluable! (V. mother, Jul 2021)

November 16, 2021 - non-violent communication

Effective communication is the key to sustaining healthy relationships. Unfortunately, many of us have never been modeled how to communicate effectively, especially in times of conflict. I know I often fall into the trap of trying to be 'right' over trying to reach a solution, which is how I saw my parents communicate! Something that helped me immensely in this arena was learning Marshall Rosenberg's formula for non-violent communication. The video introduces this formula which we will be delving into and practicing in the Family & Friends group this month.

October 19, 2021 - validating emotional needs

Building a deeper awareness into our own emotions and the emotions of others helps us to be more compassionate and reduces reactivity. When I first learned to identify the primary emotion (shame) underlying my loved one's anger, it helped me to let go of judgment and respond in a more compassionate way. This had a huge positive impact on my own resilience as well as improving our relationship.

Join us this month where we will be learning to identify primary and secondary emotions, as well as learning how to meet emotional needs.

This meeting will be held via Zoom at 6.30pm on Tuesday 19th October RSVP to Barb: barb@bpdcommunity.com.au or call Barb on 0409 952 754

September 21, 2021 - validation 101

Before attending the family and friends group for the first time, I held the belief that validation and agreement were the same thing. I was scared to validate as I thought that this would only encourage behaviours that I already found so challenging. When I started to implement validation into my relationship, I found that the opposite was true. Validation helped to diffuse conflict and improve communication, ultimately improving our relationship.

This month we will start to learn the basics of validation and how to put this skill into practice. What would it feel like for you to be validated when you're upset, angry or anxious?

"It's humbling and enriching that others are brave and generous in making their personal experiences to the group." (A. husband, Jul 2021)

August 17, 2021 - self-Acceptance

Last week we learned about accepting the things that are beyond our control. This week we are looking inward and learning to accept ourselves as imperfect humans with a range of strengths and weaknesses. Accepting ourselves is essential in building a strong foundation for future growth and self-improvement. We cannot hate and criticize ourselves into changing for the better, this just isn't sustainable!

How would you behave differently if your inner critic changed into a loving voice of self-acceptance? Join us this month to explore this question and more.

"A group of people who are supportive of one another and share valuable experiences and perspective.
As well, presentations which are broken down for better understanding the perspective of a carer's approach." (M. sister, Feb 2021) 

July 20, 2021 - Radical acceptance

When we focus on trying to change things outside of our control we create stress, exhaustion and burnout. Unfortunately many of us (myself included!) are very practiced at trying to change our loved one, rather than focusing on what we can change; OURSELVES. Acceptance is the remedy to this unhelpful pattern which involves allowing thoughts, feeling, events and circumstances to be as they are.

Join us this month to learn how to introduce the power of acceptance into your life.

June 15, 2021 - Mindfulness & benign interpretation

The practice of benign interpretation means not assuming the worst when something happens. When we have experienced multiple difficult situations with our loved ones, assuming the worst can become second nature. Learning and practicing the principle of non-judgment, as described in the video, is a great primer to changing the way we interpret events.

Do you ever catch yourself catastrophising? This month we will be learning about patterns in our thinking that might be hindering rather than helping us live the life that we want.

May 18, 2021 - Positive emotions and mindfulness

As family and friends of a loved one with BPD, we can become so focused on what is going wrong in our lives that we fail to notice or acknowledge when things go well. This is not something we do intentionally however, when we repeat a pattern of thinking day after day it is bound to become a habit. This month we are learning to change our thinking through practicing gratitude. As mentioned in the video, practicing gratitude helps to build resilience, manage stress and even improve sleep.

What are you grateful for in this moment?

April 20, 2021 - mindfulness and emotions

This month we are moving on from boundaries and diving into the first of out mindfulness series. One of the barriers that we often face when applying the skills we learn each month is our own reactivity. All of a sudden we find ourselves reacting to our loved ones behaviour and our learning on validation, boundaries and acceptance flies out the window. Mindfulness is a skill we can learn to help reduce our reactivity so we can respond to our loved ones in the most helpful way. It is also an excellent strategy for improving our own stress and anxiety.

How does your own reactivity impact on your relationships?

"So much great information and to feel supported and included in this group is invaluable".
(J, mother, Dec 2020)

March 16, 2021 - emotional needs & boundaries

Last month the 10 laws of boundaries helped us to look at boundaries from different (and sometimes challenging) perspectives. I know I definitely experienced a few light bulb moments!

This month we are learning about how our boundaries connect to our emotional needs. As carers we often fall into the habit of putting everyone else's needs above our own, so it is important that we learn to look after ourselves through meeting our emotional needs. This means getting comfortable with the idea of sometimes disappointing others... argh scary!

Are you willing to disappoint others in order to look after your emotional needs?

February 16, 2021 - 10 Laws of boundaries

When we delve deeper into learning about boundaries we start to realise that there is much more to it than learning to say 'no'. A difficult truth to swallow is that learning to hear and accept a 'no' from others is equally important. This valuable lesson forms part of the 10 laws of boundaries that we will be learning about this month.

As the year progresses (far too quickly for my liking!), we are provided with the opportunity to reflect on our willingness to accept the boundaries of others. What feelings and thoughts come up for you when someone tells you 'no'?

"It was a great relief to be able to connect with other people who are living with loved ones with BPD. It can be a frustrating, exhausting and isolating experience and it's such a weight off the shoulders to be able to share that with others going through the same things."
(J, husband, Nov 2020)

January 19,2021 - boundaries 101

A boundary tells us where we stand; it reminds us of what is important to us. In the dynamic of close personal relationships, our boundaries may become vague in the give and take of the relationship. When we struggle with our boundaries, others struggle to know where they stand in relation to us. 

The year just passed has reminded us of the importance of relationships in our lives. It is timely to consider the role of boundaries in our lives. Many of us struggle with setting boundaries the video opposite sets out some simple rules that apply in all aspects of life. 

On Tuesday 19 January, we will go to the heart of why we set boundaries in our adult lives.

"Since joining the group, our mother/daughter relationship has improved & my daughter is grateful I’m taking the time to learn about BPD.
The Family & Friends Group has been invaluable knowing there are other carers with similar experiences & we’re learning strategies together."
(V, mother of a young adult daughter, Nov 2020)

December 15, 2020 - What is BPD?

Christmas is a time for families to get together and celebrate. This year it is especially poignant since we have experienced the challenges of 'social isolation' and lockdown. For those living in Melbourne it has been particularly hard. One would think that a time for families to celebrate would be great to relax and enjoy each other's company. it is however for so many a time of great stress and anxiety. 

It is a good time to remind ourselves what exactly Borderline Personality Disorder is and to build some strategies to help us navigate our expectations of others and ourselves.