Family and friends group - 2019
In Pre Covid years, the Family & Friends Group would meet as a group in South Melbourne. This is a record of those meetings from Feb 2019 to November 2019. Each session has a short learning activity attached here to focus for the learning that occurs within the group.
The Family & Friends Group has been meeting since 2015, continually improving and meeting the needs of its members. Over time we have come to understand how to best support those with loved ones with BPD and our group has evolved to be transformational in building relationships within families and to build relational dysregulation. In this way, we can support the recovery of people with BPD in the other domains of dysregulation: emotional, behavioural, cognitive and identity.
"The Family & Friend's Group's knowledge, support and practical tools gave me the
help I desperately needed to better manage my son’s bpd symptoms." ('A', father of 30 yr old son with BPD) 2019.
November 19, 2019 - Validation in greater depth
Schema Therapy is based on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and is successful in treating BPD. A core element of Schema is to explore the Childhood Emotional Needs that we all have:
- Secure attachments to others (including safety, stability, nurturance and acceptance)
- Autonomy (competence and a sense of identity)
- Freedom (to express valid needs and emotions)
- Spontaneity and play
- Realistic limits and self control
Recognising, understanding and identifying our own unmet emotional needs is the beginning of taking control of our emotions. The November session is dedicated to learning more about how we can do this and how it helps us recognise the emotions of others and helps us then validate the emotions of others.
October 15, 2019 - validation explored
Last month we revisited how to validate others. That involved improving our listening skills to build the relationship we have with others. Non violent communication is way of communicating what we want to others. This session is focussed on how we speak to others to communicate the things that are important to us. The nine minute video opposite is an introduction to this concept.
Non violent communication is expressing honestly and receiving empathetically, specifically:
- the concrete actions we observe that effect our well being
- how we feel in relation to what we observe
- the needs, values and desires that create our feelings
- the concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives
"The Family and Friends group was the first support group I attended.
I was very nervous about sharing, but soon felt relieved and comfortable being there.
I feel safe participating without any concerns about being judged." ('S', mother of a son in mid 20s with BPD) 2018.
september 17, 2019 - validation
How to tell the difference between validation and invalidation can be a challenge. To recognise when we are being invalidating is even harder because we do live in an invalidating world. But when we feel validated we feel that someone might understand, we feel listened to. the video opposite explains it beautifully.
Validation is skill, a technique that is possible to learn. It requires conscious concentration until it becomes a default way to respond to others. It requires focussed practice and mindful listening in order to grasp the skill. When we are able to be more easily validating, we can see an improvement in our relationships with others. Validation makes a difference.
I … left (the) meeting feeling stronger emotionally with so much information and advice, from the conversations,
that I had with some of the people in the group. It’s a very nice group of people!” (L, mother of an adult daughter with BPD) 2017.
august 20, 2019 - Self acceptance
In the video opposite, Tara Brach hugs her evil twin! the video goes for less than 2 mins, check it out.
Radical Acceptance is a core element of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. After Marsha Linehan went to Japan to study Zen Buddhism, she introduced the concept into her work, she recognised that for people affected by BPD that this concept was critical to being able to accept change in our lives. Like all our concepts, it seems simplistic on the surface while actually this concept and the others we work with are deceivingly complex. This doesn't mean that its too hard to understand, it means that it takes time to understand. It is through the dialectic interaction between our thoughts and our actions that we reflect upon and gain the understanding that we need to better support our loved ones.
"Since joining the BPD Carers Group I am delighted to say that there has not been a single argument between my daughter and myself.
Thank you BPD Carers Group." (F, Father of an adult daughter) 2018.
july 16, 2019 - radical acceptance
The group met as usual and welcomed some newbies too, others were on holidays or couldn't make it, so we weren't crowded.
One strength within the group is that we all understand and this creates a powerful sense of support. This is aided by our learning activities, for July it was Acceptance 101 where we considered the difference between acceptance and radical acceptance. Most importantly we considered why this concept could be of help, and learnt techniques to help us achieve radical acceptance. As with all the concepts and techniques we deal with, it is not easy, but the reward of helping us to better support our loved ones, is great.
We prepared a handout for those who could not join us: click here
June 18, 2019 - Mindfulness and positive psychology
The June session explored the explanation of Positive Psychology in how we perceive our world and the effects this has upon us. We learnt the importance of controlling our thoughts with positives and how to change our negative default ways of thinking.
There is a 5 minute YouTube clip that is a brief explanation of what Positive Psychology is (click on the flyer opposite).
It is good to be able to learn simple techniques to help us better control ourselves and help us feel empowered.
May 21, 2019 - MIndfulness and gratitude
It was a small group that experienced one of our most powerful sessions. We revised what we have been learning up to date and followed this with a brief explanation of the benefits of cultivating a sense of gratitude. Gratitude is one of the core values of our Family & Friend's Group, so it was good to explore why it is so important to our group.
We completed the session with a short meditation on gratitude and it was this experience that was so very powerful. In spite of the pain that we can feel as family members of someone with BPD, we can feel gratitude and experience the support of others just like us. This is energising and helps us work on the techniques we need to build better relationships with those we love.
April 16, 2019 - MIndfulness - Feeling emotions mindfully
Familiar faces were willing participants in a simple mindfulness exercise. Ania explained to us the importance of being able to work with identifying our emotions mindfully. Regular short mindfulness sessions are most helpful in reducing our response to stress. The link to the Smiling Minds website (to your left) has a short video explaining this - just click on the photo.
Next month we will be exploring how to recognise our emotions better in Mindfulness 102.
All family and friends are welcome to attend, please rsvp to barb@bpdcommunity.com.au.
March 19, 2019 - Hierarchy of needs
It was a small but enthusiastic group of 8 who accepted the challenge of learning Boundaries 103. Our final session on Boundaries pulled together the previous earnings and allowed us to explore the implications of having strong values based boundaries. Using the handout attached we were able to questions our needs, especially our emotional needs and what that meant in relation to our boundaries. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs allowed us to recognise the basis of much of our fears and therefore how to address them. We had an excellent discussion. Click on the image to see the activity handout.
Feb 19, 2019 - The 10 Laws of Boundaries
We met as usual at Sth Melbourne. There were a few apologies, but we made a comfortable number at 14 people. This was the second of three sessions on Boundaries. The work was dense and challenging but rewarding. The US Boundaries experts are McLoud and Townsend and they are nothing if not direct. They break down Boundaries into these 10 Laws, just like 10 Commandments which is no surprise as they are immersed in the Christian Religion. The work for our group however was revised so that there were no references to religion or the bible. It is less distracting that way. Click on the image to access an abbreviation of these 10 Laws of Boundaries.
