The law of envy

We will never get what we want if we focus our boundaries onto what others have.

Envy is miserable because we're dissatisfied with our state yet powerless to change it.

The envious person doesn't set limits because he is not looking at himself long enough to figure out what choices he has.

One of the most common negative feelings of humans in their relation to others is envy.

Envy defines as good what we don’t have but see in others and does not appreciate what has been given to us. How often have we heard someone subtly put down the accomplishments of others, just because he wasn’t the one who accomplished this. We all have envious parts in our personality. But what is so destructive about envy is that it almost guarantees that we will not get what we want and keeps us perpetually insatiable and dissatisfied.

This is the Law of Envy. Envy never leads to good results. It actually keeps us from getting what we want, because it focuses outside our boundaries. It is not wrong to desire things we do not have. But it is wrong to focus on what others have or have accomplished, because it makes us devalue what we do have. If we begin comparing ourselves to the rich and famous (without noticing the high price they sometimes have to pay for that), we will never be satisfied. If instead we look at what we have achieved without making comparisons, we will lead a satisfied life – maybe a bit simpler, but certainly happier.

Envious people feel empty and unfulfilled. They feel envious about the other’s sense of fullness but do not take responsibility for their own lack. And consequently they spend time and energy to keep up with the Jones’ instead of addressing their true problem. And envy doesn’t stop at possessions and accomplishments. We may envy a person’s character, personality, and abilities instead of developing our own gifts and bringing these specific gifts into service. Envy keeps us from doing something about the real problem, namely the negative feelings in us that block our growth.

Envy may cause a feeling of rivalry or prevent us from setting proper boundaries. For instance, a wife may envy the aggressiveness of her husband when it comes to pursuing a goal and chose to comply with whatever he says, “because he is stronger”. Or a husband may envy his wife’s ability to express emotions and as a result avoid expressing his emotional needs, “because he can’t talk about these things as easily”. We can’t establish proper boundaries in our relationships unless we see our envy as part of the problem and begin to work through it.