The law of exposure

We need to communicate our boundaries.

A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working.

We need to make clear what we do or do not want, and what we will or will not tolerate.

We need to also make clear that every boundary violation has a consequence. A boundary without a consequence is nagging.

Boundaries, as we have discussed at the very beginning, are like property lines. They define where we begin and where we end. In a relationship, boundaries are particularly important because they allow two separate individuals to grow together into one strong unity instead of having one person dissolve and become just a part of the other.

Some people believe that they do not have any boundaries and that they don’t need them. But actually, that is not true. We all have our own feelings, opinions, and views. But we may not communicate them to our loved ones and then it appears as if they would not exist. If we don’t communicate our own thoughts and emotions, our loved ones will not have the slightest idea who we really are.

The Law of Exposure says that our boundaries must be made visible to others. We need to be truthful to our loved ones and communicate clearly what we do or don’t want, think, or feel. Unless we expose our own boundaries, we cannot connect and our relationship shrinks. For example, one party to the relationship is self-centred and the other is hurt by this. The hurt one may withdraw more and more until the connection between the two is deeply distressed. The hurt one might think that there is no point saying anything because the other will respond angrily, and the cycle repeats. Ultimately, there is a point where the connection between the two is broken. What is the consequence? One loses the connection and doesn’t know why and is cheated out of an opportunity to hear the boundary and start maturing in their character.

What is said here about anger holds for resentment, hurt feelings, and frustration in the same way. We should not let the sun go down on it but expose it in order to work the problem out. If we hide all this, because we fear that speaking about it will only make things worse, we create fertile ground for unhappiness. If we bring it to the light, others will have access to it and we can resolve problems together. Exposure is the only way for healing and growth to take place.