The law of Responsibility

We are responsible TO each other, not FOR each other.

This law means that each person refuses to rescue or enable another's immature behaviour.

In a family we have the responsibility to love and care for each other.

We care about the effect we have on each other. Our responsibility to our spouse is higher than all others. Then we have a responsibility to our parents, children and so on. We also have a responsibility towards work colleagues, and all people we have contact with and then beyond. Those who are more vulnerable often demand a greater responsibility from us and challenge these priorities and sometimes we change our priorities to care for those who are more vulnerable.

Our religions teach us to love one another and when we do, we fulfil our sense of responsibility – this means being compassionate.

Our challenge is not confusing our sense of responsibility and taking on the emotional burden of others. We cannot feel the feelings of those we love. We can’t think their thoughts. We can’t behave for them. We are responsible for ourselves . . . and others are responsible for themselves. In a family this means that we have to distinguish between our responsibility to each other and their responsibilities for themselves. This means we have to support each other in carrying the heavy burdens of life. On the other hand we cannot take over the responsibility for our family members’ feelings, attitudes, values, and their handling of life’s daily little difficulties. We may help each other, but each person must take care of his and her daily loads.

Many people have a tendency to fall into one of the two following extremes. On the one hand, a family member may neglect his/her responsibility to love each other and become selfish and inconsiderate. This is irresponsible. On the other hand, the family member can try to do everything to make the others happy. But this is an impossible task. While one should be sympathetic towards the other, no one can make another happy as long as they do not take on the responsibility for their feelings.

Finally, the Law of Responsibility also means that we have to refuse to rescue or enable immature or inappropriate behaviour.