For Family and Friends of people with BPD

As carers* of people with Borderline Personality Disorder we feel our needs are not recognised and not met. While our needs have much in common with the needs of all carers, we believe that because of the nature of BPD and because of the stigma and discrimination that exists within the helping professions, our needs are different.

BPD is a serious mental illness where the person has difficulty developing and maintaining positive personal relationships. The person with BPD will often rely heavily on the carer in a demanding and draining close relationship which can include refusing the support of and completely rejecting the carer (and other family members). Those closest to the person with BPD are often challenged in their relationship since the reliance for care can occur simultaneously with rejection, or the rejection can be so absolute as to shut family and loved ones out of the person’s life completely.

BPD can be damaging to all family members and as a consequence the mental health of carers is often vulnerable.

BPD is stigmatised and discriminated against in the general community, this is complicated by a general lack of knowledge of the illness. However, it is the stigmatisation and discrimination in the services that are supposed to be a support that hurts the most. From psychiatrists to nurses, to admin staff, help line personnel and social workers, discrimination is a unifying feature of the experience of all carers and people with BPD. This is compounded by the lack of access to services and treatment for our loved ones. Given the nature of BPD, when our loved ones are ready to accept treatment, it is often not available or not appropriate to their needs.

People with BPD often have complex difficulties with co morbidity, in particular drug and alcohol related difficulties that require a dual treatment program. Depression and anxiety are familiar problems for people with BPD, as are eating disorders. A flexible public mental health system with appropriate case management is essential. If the BPD is not treated, it is recognised that the co-morbidity disorders cannot be treated successfully.

People with BPD may be living in difficult circumstances. They may be homeless, long term unemployed, in debt or suffer other living difficulties. They need supports outside of therapy, to assist them with finding employment, helping them with their accommodation, household management and budgeting. People with BPD are overrepresented in prisons. People with BPD who live in rural areas have geographic isolation and compounded lack of access to services. People with BPD may be adolescents, they may be elderly – people with BPD have age related special needs. People with BPD need more than just therapy.

We the carers of people with BPD want our loved ones to be well.